Love is a Battlefield
by Lyra Harp
Summary: Humans say that there are five stages of grief. Cybertronians say that grief is all war is. Humans say that war is love. What is love? What are the stages of love? Lillian Wescott says that love is a serious game in life, and that there are ten stages. Is she right? Most of the Cybertronians she has come to know and love don't think so. OC story


**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Transformers_, _Cold as Ice _by Foreigner or _Dude (Looks like a Lady) _by Aerosmith.

I would recommend listening to the HER (2013) soundtrack by Arcade Fire while reading this. It's what I listened to while writing it.

I'm sorry about the weird link below, but it was the only way I could figure out to paste the link without the document manager cropping it out. The link will show Lillian Wescott.

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~0~

Ground Zero

Ratchet turned the screen he was studying toward me. "Is this what you wished to examine?"

I nodded. I stared at the multiple holoforms that surrounded me like a matrix. Each one was a symbol of my journey on the Ark that I began at the spry age of twenty. I turned toward Ratchet when I was done. I crossed my arms and shifted on my feet. "How do we do this?"

"There are several ways in which we can go about this. The method that would be the least time consuming and most comfortable for you would be-"

~0~

Level One

First Aid couldn't stop crying.

~0~

Level Two

Hot Spot wished me pleasant dreams.

For once.

For once, I couldn't help but wish the opposite.

For once, I couldn't help but think that he meant the opposite.

~0~

Level Three

If there was one thing that I learned from Blaster, it was how to have a good time.

I didn't think Blaster could ever be a downer.

I didn't think he would ever understand me.

I didn't think he would ever stop staring at me.

"Lil. No."

"Blaster. Yes," I mocked.

_:No way, jose!:_

"Yes way, hombre."

"Lil-"

"It's happening. I'm sorry, Blaster, but-"

_:Get out!:_

"I think you mean far out."

_:Get out!:_

"Blaster-"

_:Get. Out!:_

I closed my eyes and sighed. "Best friends forever," I mumbled.

I left.

~0~

Level Four

Steeljaw glared at me. "It's not my fault."

Steeljaw growled. "Steel, please-"

His optics narrowed. "I'm sorry-"

He wacked his tail on the floor. Hard.

He walked away.

_Coward._

~0~

Level Five

_:Welcome, Lillian Marie Wescott. Human female.:_

I walked through the maze of hallways.

The door beeped as I crossed the threshold.

We sat in silence for ten seconds. It was difficult to understand how their eternity was our moment in time.

"How does it feel?"

"How does what feel?"

"Being a traitor."

I looked at the screens that recorded my life on the Ark. I stared at the face reflected in the screens. I looked away from the being who let me into the world I loved.

"It feels like I don't deserve any of it."

I walked out.

_:Goodbye.:_

~0~

Level Six

I walked outside to the shooting range. I didn't mind the noise anymore. I was basically deaf at this point, anyway. I sat next to Ironhide and watched him shoot. It was a beautiful display of firepower. Ironhide had plenty of power.

_Too bad I don't have any._

Ironhide stashed his gun and turned away.

"Do you hate me, too?"

"No, kid. I just don't like what you're doing."

"I have to, Ironhide."

He transformed. "Whatever you say, kid."

He drove off.

~0~

Level Seven

The time I spent sitting in the dark felt longer than it actually was. Ten seconds was their eternity. It was my moment.

Headlights flickered to my right.

Why couldn't it be our moment?

"Don't get up," Jazz said as he transformed. He sat next to me. He looked down at me, but there was something different than the others. He wasn't looking down _on_ me. Just like Ironhide, he understood. But just because he understood didn't mean he had to like it.

"Do you hate me?" I mumbled. I felt like a baby chick walking around and asking the various creatures of the world, 'are you my mother?'

"Could never hate ya, Lil."

I held up my hand. Cables helped me stand. I walked over to him. I held up my hands like a child would to her mother. He picked me up. I cried. He rubbed circles on my back. This was our moment.

I sniffled when I was done. I looked up. Jazz took off his visor. His optics were red. My eyes were red and puffy. We almost matched.

"We could run," Jazz said. The desert air blew my hair behind my back. "We could run," Jazz repeated when I didn't say anything for ten seconds. "You don't have to go through what-what's going to happen. Ratchet doesn't have to know. He doesn't know, Lil. He can't know us. What he says-It doesn't have to be right-"

"Jazz," I mumbled. "Ratchet was right."

"He ain't."

"Jazz, I don't want to go to sleep. I'm tired of sleeping. I'm _scared_ of sleeping, Jazz. I'm scared."

"You don' have ta be. We can run-"

"Where are we going to run, Jazz? No one can stop this. Not even you. Jazz, look at me. _Look at me._ Don't run. Do you hear me? Don't run. Whatever meteor hits, whatever asshole decides to fuck things up, whatever humans say, whatever you think, whatever Prowl says or thinks or does after this-Don't run. Don't hide like I tried to do. Hiding isn't a life. When you're running from life, your not living it." I grabbed the sides of his head fins and pulled. "Don't. Run." He looked at me. He had no other choice. I smiled. "I know your not deaf. And even if you've just been reading my lips all this time-" My smile dimmed. "That's okay. That's okay, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

"What am I?"

He chuckled. "A pain in the aft."

I wacked his nose. "Wrong answer. Please hang up and try again."

"How about I hang you up-?"

"That ain't ni-I-I-I-I-C-E!"

_:Your as cold as ice! Willing to sacrifice our love!:_

I huffed when he brought me closer to his upside down face. I kissed his nose. "Jerk." He smiled. "What am I?"

_:Dude looks like a-a-sexy lady!:_

I put my hands under his chin and pulled. "Right answer," I mumbled.

His lips were metallic, soft, sweet and slow...Just the way I liked them.

~0~

Level Eight

I poked my head in the door. The room was cold, but I could feel the zing. I followed the zing to a zap using the automatic city-painter lift attached to the desk lamp.

"I'm a little ninja, sweet and tart, here is my wrench thatisgoingtocollidewithyourhelm if you don't get up."

Prowl looked up from the datapad he was working on. "I don't believe those are the correct words to that particular melody."

"Words need to change with the times. I'm sick of playing it old school." I busted out the arm and eyebrow worms.

"Lillian, forgive me, but you are the definition of old school."

"I am not. You changed the dictionary."

He smiled. "A little ninja told me that words need to change with the times."

I smiled, stopped dancing, and crossed my arms. "Did you forget?"

"No."

We stared at each other. "You promised me." His optics flickered from me to the door. "Prowl-"

He stood up and moved off to the side of his desk. "How long did you desire the display?"

"Ten seconds."

"You said five last time we spoke."

"Five seconds isn't nearly long enough. Ten is better." I smirked. "We both know it will take _at least _that long."

He sighed. "Very well."

"Stop procrastinating and do it."

He rolled his optics. "I am not procrastinating"

"Do. It."

He set his arms in motion. He twisted his hips. He set my lungs on fire...from laughing. Prowl doing 'the robot' was beautiful. No one in the universe could deny that.

Before I could truly enjoy it, Prowl was back in his seat. Had anyone walked in, they wouldn't notice anything out of the ordinary. Only I could see his slightly colored cheeks and flickering, nervous optics as cute.

I held onto Prowl's servo as I steadied my breathing. I couldn't laugh like I used to without getting dizzy, but I liked Prowl's form of dizziness. It was bright, comforting, and full of love. Prowl's servo curved around me as he picked me up. He stared at me as I regained my breathing.

"Do you know what you are?" He blinked. "A naughty ninja." His cheeks heated up more. I placed my hands on them. They were cold in comparison. "Whatever people say to you, you'll always be hot to me. You'll never be cold." I brushed my hand under his right optic. "Try to show it a little more, alright?"

"Lilly-"

"Alright?"

"Alright."

I nodded. The more he stared at me, the more I couldn't stop myself from smiling. "If you don't come I'm screwing your aft to a table."

"That is physically impossible."

"Watch me defy physics."

"No one can defy the laws of physics."

"I can. Don't make me break the law, officer."

He smiled. "Yes, ma'am."

"What's my name?"

"Lillian Marie Wescott."

"And what will you be doing in the next hour?"

"Leaving my office and coming to see you."

"And...?"

His golden optics dimmed. "Kissing you."

I smiled. His lips were patient, platonic and peaceful...Just the way I liked them.

~0~

Level Nine

"Do you think they'll ever forgive me?"

Optimus looked at me. "Only time will tell, young one."

"Is Primus nice?"

He smiled. "Yes. Why do you ask?"

I looked at the rising sun. "I want to recommend Him to the Devil so He can kick His aft."

"Primus does not interfere with our actions on this planet."

"I figured." The branch I was sitting on creaked. Optimus catched me as I fell. "Thanks."

He nodded. "Your welcome."

~0~

Level Ten

I walked into the medbay. Ratchet turned to me. "Are you prepared?"

I looked at the others in the room. "As I'll ever be."

I laid on the berth that was at least three sizes too big.

_I wonder if my heart will grow three sizes one day._

Ratchet gave me a cocktail to ease my nerves. I lifted it to those in the room and swallowed. I gave the empty glass to Ratchet.

It took ten seconds, but I eventually felt the effects of the cocktail.

It was like I was in this crazy space of time and nothing could stop it from happening. I couldn't stop it. I couldn't press pause, rewind, play, and start all over again. I couldn't redo the things that I've done. I couldn't make different choices.

But the things I did, the things I could do, the things I had left to do, was simple and difficult and hard and twisted and delightful all at the same time.

They are simple words. They are words that everyone debates whether they will say. Some say them meaningfully. Some say it like they mean it, but don't know what they mean. Some are confused. Some feel guilty. Some feel lost and angry, like they're drowning in an abyss. Some want air. Some don't want it. Some don't even need it because they've been living their whole life without it. Some don't even live. Some don't know what life is.

But I did.

I saw life for what it was. It could be sucky, like when Angela handed me viagra and I thought it was a ring. It could be sad, like how I felt when Mark died. It could be frustrating, like when I fought with Jazz. It could be filled with jealousy-the jealousy I had for Miles and seeing him interact with Jazz and Prowl in a way that I wasn't and didn't want to be capable of.

I knew what life was. It was many things, but it was wonderful. Life was sucky and wonderful.

_Life is something you only experience once, and I'm glad that I got to experience it the way that I have._

_I'm so happy that I got to live because not everyone gets to._

_I'm so happy that I could die._

_Because that's what I'm doing._

_Dying._

Ratchet gave me with a lethal cocktail.

I smiled.

_Cocktail. Like when Ravage and I hung out at the Beetles bar in Las Vegas and he kissed me. Like when I pretended to be drunk so Ravage wouldn't get in trouble for kissing me. Like when I unveiled the bottle of Cybertronian alcohol for Jazz and saw his expression. His expression...He was so shocked I wanted to laugh. But the only thing I could do was smile at him with a flushed face and wait. And wait..._

I blushed.

_I still can't believe Jazz played back sex noises to me. Sixty years and he's still a jerk. _

I took a deep breath.

_Cocktail. Humph. Miles would laugh at the possible innuendos. He'll laugh. He'll laugh when..._

_Well, when. _

Life was finding out when.

When to do things. When to think. When to say.

When to say-

I love you.

Because I did love them. All of them.

But mostly Them.

In my life, I learned something important.

I learned to love.

I thought these thoughts in the ten seconds it took for the cocktail to reach me.

I finally knew what it was like to be a Cybertronian.

I finally knew what I was missing out on.

I was finally into parties.

This one will be eternal.

~0~

Game Over

~0~

**A.N. -** Lillian was eighty in this one-shot.


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